Criticism

Criticize me.

Encouragement has supplanted constructive criticism in today's society. Don't get me wrong- I'm all for encouragment- but too much encouragement devalues its meaning. What is a trophy worth if everyone has one?

The problem is that criticism has acquired a negative connotation. In fact, the American Heritage Dictionary's definition of criticism is "the act of criticizing, especially adversely", while the true, original meaning of the word implies simply analyzing and evaluating (which is a good thing). People tend to think of criticism as being judgemental or severe, but it's not. To critique is positive. It enables improvement.


Some recent experiences giving presentations are examples of this phenomenon. Though I'm glad I have people supporting me, I can't get any criticism out of them. Tell me I've done a good job, but only if I really did. And if I did do a good job, tell me why and tell me what could be better. You won't offend me- I have an enormous head. I crave criticism. Assuming that I need my self-esteem boosted offends me more than telling me what's wrong with me; the second is useful, and utility is what really matters. The thing is, I can't tell how I'm doing, at least not nearly as well as you can. I need you to tell me.

Give me your opinions- your real opinions. Tell me what could be better, tell me why, and if you can, tell me how to fix it. Not just in regards to teaching- I want to know what you think about me, about my writing, about my choices. Criticize everything about me.

Don't worry- I won't be hostile. I won't anger. I won't get upset. You won't hurt my feelings. I won't turn around and criticize you in retaliation. (Retaliation- what a stupid concept.) Even on the off chance that you do upset me, I won't hold it against you. Kick me in the face if I do, then show me this.

The Nostalgia Cycle

I've been trapped in a cycle over the past few years which has caused me to persistently yearn for years gone by. Last year doesn't seem so bad, now, but at the time it felt like total crap. Sixth grade seems, in retrospect, to have been one helluva good time, but I can vaguely remember thinking "this sucks" more than once.

I've been thinking about why, and here are some possible explanations:

1. Over time, my brain is filtering out unhappy memories of the past.
2. I'm doing something that's screwing with my emotions.
3. My life is in a downward spiral of miasmic depression (pain, pain, pain- why take you my soul?)

I don't have any strong unhappy memories that are single events, but I do remember having a generally negative outlook on life. I don't know why my brain would filter that out, though, and if it did, it didn't do a very good job- I remember having the emotion, I just don't feel it when I think about the past.

I hope it's not the second explanation. If it was, it would mean that something escalating in my life is causing my feeling of happiness to generally decline. The only thing I can think of that's growing in my life at a constant rate is my knowledge and experience. I suppose that would make sense, though- the more I know and understand, the more I see how stupid people really are, and that is somewhat depressing (though that depression is mostly counter-balanced by my view of the world's potential). I've known that people are idiots for a while now, though, so I don't see why that would give me any nostalgia.

Which leads me to the third option. I really hope I haven't peaked yet, and I don't think I have. But if it turns out that this one was right, I give you permission to kick me in the face when my spiral of depression leads me to emoism.